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The King Baby Syndrome is something that often stays with us after we get clean and get dry. It's something we're going to have to work on if we're going to have a good sobriety. It's something that seems to be born of our loss of personal freedom. This characteristic is immaturity - egocentricity. It's what we call the ‘King Baby Syndrome'.
Now, these are the six manifestations of the King Baby Syndrome;
* The King
*the Ego Tripper
*the Falsely Humble
*the Perfectionist &
*the Clinging Vine
King Baby, you see, has a tendency to remember his wife's vows and forget his own! At work, if he happens to be lucky enough to have employees, he terrorizes them, demands of them complete obedience. He's adept at twisting knives, cutting people up and humiliating them and making them frightened, insecure about their jobs. And he does this because it makes him feel better: it makes him feel more powerful. The King then is selfish, he is arrogant, and he's omnipotent. He demands everything and gives nothing in return. People must be absolutely obedient to his every whim - that's the King Baby.
Princess Baby: Now the King Baby has a female counterpart. We can call her the Princess baby. She's easy to recognize. She might sweep into the room a half-hour late and everyone must drop everything they're doing and notice her. Everyone must bow down to her. Her great need is to be the constant centre of attention everywhere she is. Frequently, she speaks and laughs in a loud and (in) what she thinks is an arresting, interesting. She demands absolute respect from her family and children. She whines and whimpers when all of her demands are not met promptly and with proper gratitude for your having the privilege of serving her. And the Princess is in deadly competition with her daughters.
Ego Tripper: A person getting high on himself or getting high on the praise or adulation that he gets from others. The Ego Tripper always seems to be manoeuvering himself into a position where others are telling him how great he is. The Ego Tripper is good at the polished put-down. Sometimes he makes himself high by putting others down, and you find him all over - in the classroom, in the pulpit, behind a lectern - you might even find him at A.A meetings. Frequently, he identifies with a cause that is basically good - produces what is good - and usually, he's an effective type of guy or gal and, it's hard to tell him from the real thing. You can tell who he is because he's always there, always in a position to get the praise. The Ego Tripper always manages to benefit more than anyone else from the cause or pursuit that he's identified himself with.
A typical Ego Tripper is a Mr. A.A type guy that makes all the meetings, knows all the answers. Everyone tells him how great he is, how many people he's helped. He speaks up at the meetings. He is always ready with advice. He goes from one group to another, soaking up the praise, making out with the new vulnerable female members. Sometimes he doesn't even manage to stay sober. History abounds in Ego Trippers and their accomplishments, somehow, always seem to be an interruption of evolution. Anyone who gets puffed up by standing taller by putting others down is an Ego Tripper.
Falsely Humble Person. This type of alcoholic says, in one way or another, "I'm no damned good; I've failed at everything I've tried; I'm a noxious worm. Please, everybody, step on me. I deserve to be stepped on. In fact, if you don't step on me you're no damned good either". He tells us how humble he is; if you won't put him down, he puts himself down.
He starts out by saying that he's the worst drunk in the world or the worst addict in the world, and if nobody will buy that, he says that he's worse than the worst drunk in the world. He might say he's crazy, a psychopath, or something. He always goes around saying that he doesn't deserve all this wonderful help he's getting but just scratch him a little bit and, underneath, you'll find a self-loving, omnipotent, arrogant human being - an egomaniac too. Kind of a disguised one but a valid one nonetheless.
The Perfectionist. At first glance, the Perfectionist really looks good. The Perfectionist comes on like a good, solid all American type citizens. If it's a woman, her house is the cleanest house and most orderly house in town. As a matter of fact, it's too clean, it's too well regulated and heaven help whoever has the temerity to dirty it or disrupt it. If it's a woman, the Perfectionist demands that everyone conforms to her idea of what godliness is. She not only demands perfection in herself, she demands it in others. The Perfectionist sincerely believes either that he or she has achieved Godhood already or, at the least, is perfectly capable of achieving Godhood. When the Perfectionist feels bad it's because he or she has failed in some way to be perfect, and so the Perfectionist always feels bad and always makes others feel bad because, quite simply, we are not perfect. We are not God and if you have the delusion that you are perfect, that you are God then, of course, you are going to feel bad whenever you find out that you are not - which is going to be most of the time.
The Male Perfectionist seems to be a good employee, at first glance. He always comes to work on time, he's honest, usually loyal and he's rigid. He never makes a mistake. It probably takes him twice as King Baby A Lecture by Bob Long to do the job, but he never errs because to do so would be inconsistent with his own idea of his own godliness. It usually turns out that he's not really a good employee at all. He doesn't work well with others or for others and it's almost impossible for anyone to work for him, because, unfortunately, no two good perfectionists have exactly the same idea of what perfection or godliness is. That's that Perfectionist.
The last variety of King Baby we'll discuss is what we call the Clinging Vine. People who are Clinging Vines make excessive and overpowering demands upon other people. The Clinging Vine says, "You do it for me; I can't do it". This symptom sort of overlaps some of the others. Clinging Vine types flatter you. They might tell you you've saved their lives that you're really great, that they couldn't exist without you. These types can often be very pleasant people, if you like someone who doesn't present much of a challenge. If you are married to someone like this, it's a lot like being married to a little boy or a little girl. They might misbehave but they do pretty much what you want them to do, if it means they will get your approval. Clinging Vine types will dance any tune for your smile. Trouble is, after a while, you notice they are demanding more and more and more of you. And eventually it becomes clear that these demands are insatiable. Unhappily, most of us have done this sort of thing - demanded and demanded and demanded, until our sick dependency has become unbearable to others.
Those of us who demonstrate one or more of these behaviors share a common delusion, and that delusion is a feeling that the world revolves around us, that we, actually, are the centre of the Universe.
Now, if we really were the centre of the Universe, if all people and all things did revolve around us, and if we could dominate other people and successfully make all those demands upon them, then we could probably go through life fairly comfortably - if we didn't happen to have a conscience. But the truth of the matter is, people are simply not going to bow down and knuckle under to us, and this is the reason why we should try to quit playing the King Baby game. It simply and plainly is not realistic and we are the ones that are bound up in it. Really we are slaves to all those people that we think are slaves to us.
If you do these four things:
Accept your need for change, face up to it and consciously and deliberately commit the act of change, willing and honestly.
Let God or something bigger than yourself run the Universe and you assume your proper role.
Interact with other people on an equal level in groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous.
Realize deeply that you are only one of God's children, that you or any one of you are equal but that humankind is greater than you. And make a commitment to be in the service of your brothers and sisters and to live in whatever way is consistent with your experience of the life force.
If you do these four things, than you are truly overcoming your King Baby symptoms and you are free.
Free to be yourself, free to be honest and trusting with other people, free to start really swinging with life.
After all this time of misery and unhappiness, to start having some real fun.
Points from lecture by Bob Brissett
Beskrivningarna var ruskigt träffsäkra, och jag får med skammens rodnar erkänna att jag varit flera slags King Baby i mitt liv …
Men no f***ing way erkänner jag att kag skulle vara ett av Guds barn. Den som påstår att man måste erkänna det för att inte sätta sig själv över andra människor är en stor lögnare och ett svårt fall av Clinging Vine.